Should I Trust My Spouse’s Financial Advisor?

When it comes to money, few relationships are as critical—or as complex—as the one between a married couple and their financial advisor. If your spouse has brought a financial advisor into your shared financial life, it’s natural to ask: "Should I trust them too?" This question goes beyond simple math. It touches on trust, transparency, shared values, and long-term goals.

In this article, we’ll unpack the key factors to consider when deciding whether to trust your spouse’s financial advisor, including understanding their qualifications, motivations, history, and the dynamics between all parties involved. Financial peace in a marriage often hinges on shared trust—not just between you and your spouse, but also with the professionals who influence your collective future.

1. Understanding the Role of a Financial Advisor

A financial advisor isn’t just someone who picks stocks. A good one acts as a strategic partner, guiding decisions on retirement planning, investments, insurance, taxes, estate planning, and overall wealth management. Their advice can influence the trajectory of your financial life—and by extension, your relationship.

If your spouse has had a long-standing relationship with a financial advisor, it’s possible this advisor has played a significant role in shaping their views and financial strategies. The question is: Do you feel included in that dynamic?

2. Are You Being Brought Into the Conversation?

One red flag is exclusion. If your spouse’s financial advisor is advising on shared finances but hasn’t made an effort to meet or involve you, that’s cause for concern.

A trustworthy advisor should want to build a relationship with both partners. After all, both of you are stakeholders in the financial outcomes. If the advisor only speaks to your spouse, that limits your visibility and undermines transparency.

Ask yourself:

• Have I met the advisor in person or virtually?

• Have they asked for my input or included me in planning sessions?

• Do they send reports and updates addressed to both of us?

If the answer is “no” to most of these, that could be a red flag.

3. Is the Advisor a Fiduciary?

This is a big one. Fiduciaries are legally obligated to act in your best financial interest. Non-fiduciary advisors, on the other hand, may operate under a “suitability standard,” meaning they can recommend products that are good enough—but may not be the best fit for your financial needs.

Questions to ask:

• Is your spouse’s advisor a fiduciary?

• Are they fee-only, fee-based, or commission-based?

Fee-only advisors typically charge a flat rate or percentage of assets under management. They don’t receive commissions for selling products, which can reduce conflicts of interest. In contrast, commission-based advisors might push financial products that earn them higher commissions, not necessarily ones that are best for you.

Understanding this distinction can help you evaluate whether the advisor is acting in your best interest—or just theirs.

4. What Are the Advisor’s Qualifications and Experience?

Financial advisors are not created equal. Some are highly qualified professionals with extensive certifications; others may have minimal training or credentials.

Common designations include:

• CFP® (Certified Financial Planner) – rigorous education and ethical standards

• CPA (Certified Public Accountant) – tax-focused expertise

• ChFC (Chartered Financial Consultant) – comprehensive financial planning

• CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) – investment-heavy credentials

A quick online search or visit to FINRA’s BrokerCheck can show you:

• Licenses held

• Disciplinary actions

• Client complaints

• Work history

If your spouse’s advisor lacks credible qualifications or has a checkered past, that should factor into your trust level.

5. Do Their Financial Philosophies Align With Yours?

Let’s say you’re a conservative investor, while your spouse leans more aggressively. If their advisor mirrors your spouse’s risk tolerance without acknowledging yours, you might end up with a portfolio that makes you lose sleep.

Ask to review the advisor’s general investment philosophy:

• Are they aggressive or conservative?

• Do they believe in active or passive investing?

• Are they goal-focused or product-focused?

• How do they approach budgeting, debt, and emergency savings?

A good advisor should seek a balance that reflects the goals and risk tolerance of both partners.

6. Are They Transparent About Fees and Commissions?

Fee transparency is a cornerstone of trust. If your spouse’s financial advisor has not made their compensation structure crystal clear to both of you, that’s a problem.

You deserve to know:

• What are you being charged?

• How are fees calculated?

• Are there hidden fees embedded in investment products?

• Do they earn commissions on mutual funds, annuities, or insurance?

Many disagreements between couples about financial advisors stem from one partner discovering unexpected fees after decisions have been made.

7. How Does the Advisor Handle Disagreements Between You and Your Spouse?

A skilled advisor should be a neutral third party who facilitates honest conversations and compromise, not someone who automatically takes your spouse’s side or pushes their preferences.

If you’ve raised concerns and felt dismissed, ignored, or undermined, that’s a red flag. A good advisor is a mediator, not a manipulator.

8. Can You Access All Shared Financial Information?

Transparency is more than talk—it’s access.

You should be able to:

• View portfolio holdings and statements

• Understand all financial strategies and products

• Ask questions and get answers—without going through your spouse

If access to financial documents or portals is restricted or if the advisor seems reluctant to share full information, that’s a breach of trust.

9. How Long Has the Advisor Been in the Picture?

If your spouse has worked with their advisor for years—perhaps even before you got married—it’s possible they’ve built a close bond. While long-term relationships can be a sign of trust and stability, they can also foster blind spots.

Ask:

• Has the advisor adapted their strategy now that you are in the picture?

• Are they respectful of your role and concerns?

• Do they make room for your voice in decisions?

It’s important the advisor evolves with your changing life and relationships—not remain stuck in a dynamic that no longer fits.

10. When Not to Trust Your Spouse’s Financial Advisor

You should be especially cautious if:

• The advisor avoids meeting with you

• You’re not receiving statements or reports

• Your spouse is secretive about financial details

• The advisor pushes complex products you don’t understand

• There’s a pattern of vague answers or high-pressure tactics

• You sense your spouse is influenced to keep things hidden

Even if your spouse deeply trusts the advisor, trust should never be inherited blindly. You’re an equal partner in your financial life, and your trust needs to be earned independently.

11. When You Might Choose to Work with a Different Advisor

In some cases, couples decide to:

• Switch to an advisor both spouses choose together

• Hire a new advisor for joint accounts, while keeping personal advisors for individual ones

• Seek a second opinion from a different financial planner or CPA

It’s not disloyal to suggest change. In fact, discussing the idea of a shared advisor can open up important conversations about equality, boundaries, and goals.

12. Building Trust the Right Way

If you're still unsure about trusting your spouse's financial advisor, here are some proactive steps to take:

• Request a joint meeting: Lay out your concerns and goals directly with the advisor.

• Prepare a list of questions: Ask about their investment approach, fee structure, planning philosophy, and client communication style.

• Review account documents together: Make sure you understand where your money is and how it’s being managed.

• Set expectations: Clarify how often you'll meet, what reports you'll receive, and how decisions will be made moving forward.

• Don’t rush: Trust is built over time. Be open but cautious.

13. Final Thoughts: Trust Is a Two-Way Street

You don’t need to blindly trust—or distrust—your spouse’s financial advisor. You just need to be actively involved. Being financially informed and included is your right, and it’s essential to your peace of mind and marital stability.

Ultimately, the decision to trust your spouse’s financial advisor should come down to:

• Transparency

• Accessibility

• Mutual respect

• Competency

• Shared values

If these pillars are in place, trust can be built. If not, it may be time for an open conversation—with both your spouse and the advisor—about next steps.

Remember: Your financial future is too important to leave in someone else’s hands without your full confidence.